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Twenty

by J.P. Cregan

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    I'm charging nothing for the album. 2020 is hard enough without having to pay me to listen to my music. If you pay me anything, I will give your money to Sweet Relief. (Disclaimer: I heartily recommend putting your actual cash toward albums from musicians who rely on album sales to live - at any price they wish to charge.)
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1.
I don't know why the years keep taking me from all of my friends I don't know why the fears keep keeping me from calling on them - but listen You suffer, oh I've seen it, the world is kicking you around But hold on friend - 'cause I'm coming. Give me a name or a number, an hour to lend My history of man This biography of mine has no grand design but doesn't lack for a heart An anthology of mistakes, too many partakes, well - I like me falling apart - it's some start You suffer, oh I've seen it, the world is kicking you around But hold on friend - 'cause I'm coming. Give me a name or a number, an hour to lend My history of man You suffer, oh I've seen it, the world is kicking you around But hold on friend - 'cause I'm coming. Give me a name or a number, an hour to lend With nothing to send My history of man
2.
Was born back east, was rectified in peace By way off old D.C. and Onondoga But I struck out, descended into doubt I'm rolling on highway 40 to California Was weaned in state, made camp in Silverlake The bullets, well they're still flying and they warned ya Now I'm alone, a mattress and a phone A traveler aground in California The pioneers could not abide They'd find a field then colonize Try to defend, then grow, then slide, in green It's not what I've seen I'll take my bride, I'll take her for a ride We'll walk among the pines that Spain had loaned ya Breathe in the sea, breathe opportunity Anxiety's unsleeved in California HARMONICA SOLO Pioneers could not abide They'd find a field then colonize Try to defend, then grow, then slide, in green It's not what I've seen Was born back east, in Capitol D.C. Was sanctified, humidity had warmed up I'll take no rest, keep hoping for the best An outpost and some wine in California A touch of the divine in California Ignore the warning signs in California
3.
Pay to Play 02:57
El Nino and my Super 8, knee-deep in January '98 These east coast fears keep me splicing late And I'm broke as hell There's a line written in cement, that promises your dreams will be relevant But I do believe the reality is pay to play Dig the Decaologue, no time to discuss, don't run into Mardik or Jon Millius I'm crusing 80 hours on the I-5 bus, and my L-4 resigned Dropping Vicodins in my coffee cup, bombing it with sake just to break me up But I do believe the reality is pay to play I remember a time when I flatlined by on Dilaudid divine Lord I was gone What did I see? Floating below old me. Send out the back, send for the nurse, reviving me man, what a scene I had a girl, I lost a girl, where did she go? Got a feeling she's someone I already know This new decadence is laying likely low And I'm busted by design If I could just one true soulmate to last the rest of my life? Well, that would be great And I do believe the reality is what you make I do believe opportunity is Golden State I do believe the reality is pay to play Pay to Play
4.
On day one I had a vision, brown eyed girl who got religion right Knew right away she could be heaven if I ever learned and fell in line A true Virginian like I'd never seen Such a woman whatcha knowing sturdy long and lean Jeni, Jeni...something 'bout you makes me want a wedding Just one little old look from you is plenty Some television's fine for me And the Belle of U.S.C. Before long my only thing was thinking I might get a ring on time A student loan or two could get you white gold and some clarity to bind Only problem I could ever see Were all your friends who prayed to end our love and poor old me Jeni, Jeni...something 'bout you makes me want a wedding Just one little old look from you is plenty Some television's fine for me And the Belle of U.S.C. Everyone is betting that you're gonna show the door I'll take that action we're a match they never saw before You're showing them you're tougher than any girl alive If life with me is rougher baby, you're the perfect wife I sat your daddy down and asked it to him straight I'll beg permission but my mission's never gonna wait Jeni, Jeni...something 'bout you makes me want a wedding Just one little old look from you is plenty Night of television's fine for me Those girls can just disagree You got me and a fine degree You're the Belle of U.S.C.
5.
6.
Was so relived, somewhat confused that I could win someone like you I can't believe you'd ever be so deceived. Say two little words for me I took a knee and asked away, you found a dress, circled someday I can't believe Suffolk at 90 degrees Say two little words for me I heard the priest ran astray, sank by the Chesapeake Bay The rehearsal was so frayed, our future family so dismayed At all the drinking displayed ​ It's nearly one, Its nearly time, for you to walk right down the line I can't believe you're gonna live by decree Say two little words for me I can't believe this real, hungover, heavenly sealed.
7.
Flynnabye 02:16
This is an instrumental. It is here by design to give you a mid-album break from my god*##amn singing.
8.
Setting Son 03:56
I could never walk away from you Saying something I still think is true From the moment you said "I do" The wind was blowing south Maybe someday Circumstances won't succumb so right All this struggle won't be to abide Adding up what we said tonight Our run is hung out loud The setting sun can't cover my disguise But I'll prove us through my misery They'll say our love is what we can't deny I'll protect it, you will see, you're never gonna regret me Do you tarry on a separate life? Where your dreams aren't so deferred, denied I'm gonna make them believe you right I now I let you down, but there's tomorrow Parallels reach out too blind to see Dragging down beyond antiquity When I hold you, are you holding me? Your hope is still unbowed The setting sun can't cover my disguise But I'll prove us through my misery They'll say our love is what we can't deny I'll protect it, you will see, you're never gonna regret me The setting sun can't cover my disguise But I'll prove us through my misery They'll say our love is what we can't deny I'll protect it, you will see, you're never gonna regret me It's not enough to be yours till I die Am I speaking plainfully? Do I trouble you to sleep? The sky above, hangs down my wounded life I'll protect you, you will see, you're never gonna regret me I will never walk away
9.
When I Was Drinking (free) 02:38
Every night you are forsaken, first night you flail goodbye Though I know it's hard to take me, I can't recall one reason why Cause I know your mind is on the things I forget when I'm drinking I know you're kind, but Jesus would laugh Till I made it back All the times I got real lost dear, nights and nevers getting blurred Realize there's been a cost here, one you can't express in words Cause I know your mind is on the things I forget when I'm drinking I know you're kind, but Jesus would laugh Till I made it back Cause I know your mind is on the things I forget when I'm drinking Know I'm behind on what one would refer to as thinking And I still can't find my way home, though the red lights are blinking I know my life, and Jesus, I'm sad When it all goes it black ​
10.
You're like a fortress carved way up high In some Mediterranean mountainside So tough even Anthony Quinn was denied And I can't take you - you're Navarone Roman nose and those guns are long range Impregnable except that once in the rain Your pulchritude of universal acclaim And I can't take you - you're Navarone Evening lights ring around you when I stumble home While I was out I found two reasons to love you more I love the way that you handled the calls When I was laid up in Glendale hospital Thinking of you kept me from climbing the walls And I can't take you - you're Navarone Evening lights ring around you when I stumble home While I was out I found three reasons to love you more You're so high I can't even see My most advantageous opportunity I can't believe you ever pedaled by me And I can't take you - you're Navarone
11.
12.
Pretty ballerina in her new swimsuit Pretty ballerina and she knows she's cute Oh no - here comes Fern, Destroyer of Worlds! Pretty ballerina in her new pink dress Understated smile 'cause she knows we're impressed Oh no - here comes Fern, Destroyer of Worlds! Even though I've read her stories, our nights are without end Although I know it's almost midnight, I can't combine our medicine Pretty ballerina in her new nightgown An animal at sea with submersibles aground Oh no - here comes Fern, Destroyer of Worlds! Even though I've read her stories, our nights are without end Lord I know it's almost morning, authorities couldn't apprehend again Pretty ballerina in her new swimsuit Pretty ballerina and she knows she's cute Oh no - here comes Fern, Destroyer of Worlds!
13.
I was dreaming in humidity, you were sitting right up next to me Nothing sad, nothing ever wondered I was living in another state, you was thinking I could navigate What we held, would we hold it under? You were never alone, far from me You knew me too well Feeling the great unknown I would die for the day for the number I was never gonna let you down, tired of seeing you get talked around Don't be mad, duck behind the thunder You were never alone, far from me You knew me too well Feel I'd crumble alone, never see All reason withheld Stumble around on my own, never free Reliving farewell Nights afraid that you'd flown I would die for the day, we're going under I was dreaming in humidity
14.
You get too old to plug your guitar You get too drunk to drive your own car And too dedicated to know where you are Right now Hit 42, careened 43 Wrapped 44 right around a tree Too dedicated to know what you mean Out loud But you hold me and I feel love, supplied What you told me, slowly Gets my solid state to stay unbowed Where have I gone what did I do All of the signs point right back you The one true thing that I have accrued Our love Collapse into hope hold onto our life Unclasp the fear that stabs like a knife You get too old you get to what's right It's enough But you hold me and I feel love, supplied What you told me, slowly Gets my solid state to stay unbowed When I'm at the end, will I be a ghost? And haunt you when I need you the most You sense and say "I'm not indisposed" My love But you hold me and I feel love, supplied What you told me, slowly Gets my solid state to stay unbowed

about

This is a song cycle I prepared for me and The Current Mrs. Cregan's 20th wedding anniversary. It kind of serves as Cliffs Notes on our relationship history. It features a few little interstitial interludes of my family to give certain songs added context. This is helpful because my lyrics often lack context. I am occasionally too obtuse for my own good.

credits

released August 11, 2020

I recorded most of these songs on a Tascam 388. "In California," "Dreaming in Humidity," and "Fern, Destroyer of Worlds!" were recorded by Nik Freitas at his Poppy Peak Studios. If he can make me sound this acceptable, imagine what he could do for you!

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J.P. Cregan Los Angeles, California

J.P. achieved early fame as a child dynamite fisherman, competing in televised "Blow Ups" on Virginia Beach Public Access TV. Then he was a latch-key kid. As a teen, he lived in Arlington, VA, where he ran for his life from packs of untamed, extremely caucasian upper-middle class Straight Edge kids. John escaped to L.A. to go the film school founded by the Executive Producer of Howard the Duck. ... more

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